Brenda Ann Spencer Should have aimed for Geldof

Tell me why i dont like mondays.....
One of the only things I dislike more than mondays is Bob Geldof and his stupid face, caring so much about the developing without ever taking a proper stand. Now dont get me wrong, its not that I think live aid was a bad thing, and i dont think bringing these issues up on every given occasion is a bad thing either, even if it is done only to take a bit of attention and column inches away from your spoiled brat daughter and her idiotic musings. The problem i have with Geldof is that he has never gone nearly far enough. Rock stars (using the term loosely here) are supposed to be rebels. They are supposed to do and say what they feel and bugger the consequences. The luxury of being a rock star is that when your making sense people will listen, and when you go mental, believing you own hype, people will say "wow, that crazy drugged up rockstar's really lost it", but it wont damage the cause you were making so much sense about, because your a rock star and its expected. For this reason i believe it is a rockstar's right and responsibility to not pull punches when it comes to issues of global necessity, like poverty.
In a position of popularity, a successful icon should constantly remind people of their social responsibilities. they are in the unique position of being able to directly lay blame for people dying of starvation, something a politician could never do. They can actually point a finger, and it wont harm them, it may even help them. Being respected sells records and record companies like that, so they'll promote the hell out of you and let you say anything you want, and if you swear alot, even better, because being edgy fucking rocks!
Now the reason I hate geldof is not because he doesn't do this, but because he thinks he has it down to a fine art. His smugness is so irritating that i want to spend eternity slicing my eyeballs with rusty razor blade just to not have to look at it. So here's my message for Bob, put in handty bullet point format so he can create his own checklist:

• Straight talking is NOT saying fuck in front of Parkinson, or calling the queen Liz. Certain times when being invited to speak to business communities who are directly responsible for the economic exploitation that causes poverty in the developming world (Neo-liberal economics 101) is the perfect opportunity to give a bollocking to the sources of the problems, rather than putting on a tux and attempting to challenge the laws of physics by simultaneously crawling up the arseholes of a room full of people.
  
• Read a book on development. Spare change and political change go hand in hand. Money is needed for the emergency situation, and political action for the long term. Whats the point in rabbiting on about how world leaders must take responsibility when a large number of staving people wont be alive to see it.
  
• Comtrol your family. Lots of people no longer think "developing world activist" when they see Geldof, they think "Bad Parent". I know theres a bad family situation there, and i dont blame bob for that, but for the sake of humanity, shut that daughter of your up. If i was Gordon Brown i would refuse point blank to take any advice or even listen to someone who has done that bad a job in raising a human being. If I dont like mondays hadnt gone to number one and the geldof's had been poor then social services would have been on the case years ago. Peaches is the perfect candidate for involuntary euthanasia. A real embarrassment and her idiocy and lack of a braincell belittle any worthy cause a person associated with her may have.
• Punch Bono. So many people would thank you that they'd probably do anything you say, even donate their own flesh to starving children. Just once, hit him square in the nose, and if your feeling generous, tell him i said he was a c*nt.
• Donate a large wedge of your own money. Your worth millions. If you gave half away to a purely benevolent cause people would actually applaud. You'd still be way more loaded than the average person, but you would actually command respect. To clarify, i mean half of everything, not half of your earnings. If your worth £100million, donate £50 million. How many people would £50 million save?

Right theres the options. Totally irrational pipe dream rant over.

Im off to watch a team sponsored by Nike kick a football around a field and justify over £1million in wages for the week alone.

Yours, in hypocracy.

Eoghan